Is your husband or boyfriend a nice guy? I believe that everyone wants to have a compassionate, loving, and vulnerable relationship in their lives. When we first begin to date, we may see those qualities in the other person. However; due to what researchers call attachment, we may not really notice that the person we are falling in love with could use some help with some challenges they received from childhood.
This is where the Nice Guy comes in. Due to potentially being neglected, abused, or not given the healthy attention a boy needed; some boys grow into men that may become too focused on other’s needs. This eventually zaps their energy and empathy, like a cell phone with too many apps. They may then become withdrawn, irritable, and not so nice. In other cases, a Nice Guy may be pleasant but may hold back his emotions, quality time and intimacy. This may be due to fears of being rejected by his significant other. This Nice Guy may feel safer not getting so close, although at times when he feels everything is okay, he may return to acting like a Nice Guy.
The good news is that we have decades of research that we have received from parent child relationships. Adults, with help, can learn to attach in a healthy and secure way to their significant others, children and friends. A first step is to meet with a licensed professional counselor than can assess someone to learn about their attachment and how to help them grow in their own self as well as in their relationships. It is quite gratifying to be able to put a name to this and to explain that there is hope, without the Nice Guy having to either over work to be close or avoid closeness. If your significant other is struggling with this, let him know that he is not alone, and you could accompany him to his first meeting with a professional. We all need help at times, which is why we may see a doctor, a lawyer, a CPA or a financial adviser. A licensed professional counselor is much the same and he or she will meet with you in a safe, encouraging and private office to discuss your goals and how you can be a healthier guy that is able to have the relationships and life that he really desires.
For more information contact, David Sanchez, LPC, LCAS, CSAT, EMDR Trained Therapist. David Sanchez is a licensed professional counselor and life coach. He practices in Charlotte, NC but can see individuals that live in the state of North Carolina or South Carolina through counseling via in-office, phone or secure video conferencing. Mr. Sanchez is also able to see someone that lives in the United States or abroad through his coaching and consulting services. If you would like to speak to him or one of his associates, please call 980-263-9608 or e-mail him at firstname.lastname@example.org.