*Men’s Assertiveness Group (starting Thursday, June 8th, 2023,group is filling up please contact Heather at admin@charlottecounselors.com or 980-224-3233 to learn more about this group) Please click here for more information and watch this short video below to learn how this group can help you.
Are you a “Nice Guy”?
Are you tired of losing that promotion you have worked so hard for, having challenges with having satisfying and meaningful sex and intimacy and working too much? How about struggling with not having a hobby, getting with the guys, dealing with conflict and looking and feeling healthy? Chances are you may be a nice guy. So, what is a nice guy and why is that so bad, anyways?
A nice guy can be described by one or more of the following characteristics:
- Giving often
- Seeking approval from others
- Believing that you must hide your perceived flaws and mistakes
- Trying to be different from your father
- Fixing and care taking
- Avoiding conflict
- Repressing your feelings
- Being more comfortable relating to women than men
- Having difficulty making your needs a priority
- Making your partner your emotional center
If you struggle with some or more of these, or if your partner or significant other has complained about these characteristics in you, you may be a nice guy!
So, what’s wrong with being a nice guy?
Well, the main challenges are that nice guys are not always nice and they will eventually burn out and act out with some or all of the actions below:
- Lie/Be deceptive
- Compartmentalize (live two different lives or putting different parts of your life in boxes)
- Manipulate/Being Deceptive
- Control
- Giving to get
- Be passive-aggressive or aggressive
- Struggle with addictions or compulsive behavior
- Having Poor Boundary setting
- Isolating
- Have problems with intimate relationships
- Have trouble listening
- Have issues with sexuality
- Be only relatively successful
Characteristics of Nice Guys
The majority of nice guys we have met and have heard of have been smart, talented and moderately successful. They have also struggled with one or more of the following areas:
binge drinking
drug use
gambling
sex and porn use
work stress/excessive working
being a father
participating in a fun hobby
being honest
meeting and vocalizing their needs in a healthy way
Being a nice guy is not the answer.
Now, before you or your significant others throws a stone at me; being a healthy and assertive guy is a better way to live for yourself and others.
Being healthy and assertive with help with your intimacy (being able to connect emotionally, physically, sexually and spiritually etc.) It will also help with learning to meet your needs and how to directly, honestly, and respectfully ask for your needs. You may not get all of your needs met by others, but that is the whole point. Besides your mom and dad, when you were a child, as an adult you are now responsible to get or ask for you needs to be met. If you are struggling with this, now is the time to work on this.
We can help men 18 and older individually as a coach or therapist,(coaching is working more on your current goals, and therapy deals with working more on your past wounds), in small fun and interactive groups. These groups will be 6-8 men that can relate to being a “nice guy” and that have the desire to stop living that life; yesterday. You don’t have to do this alone!
Your first step is to meet and speak with a therapist at Charlotte Counseling Associates, PLLC. We are encouraging and straight-forward and will give you options about whether individual or group therapy, or both will be most beneficial for you. You do not have to be in therapy for a lifetime, groups run 2-3 times a year, every other week for 12 group meetings. Individual sessions can be a few sessions or more depending on your needs. For more information give us a call or fill out the contact form below.
Contact Us:
Phone: (980) 224-3233
Email: admin@charlottecounselors.com
Send Us a Message
New clients, please send us a message to schedule your free 15-minute Q/A call with Charlotte Counseling Associates, so we can answer any questions you may have and find out if we’re a good fit for working together to help you achieve your goals.