Being a man in general can be tough
First of all, let me say that I am a man and a dad and it can be challenging. Have you ever asked yourself why this is? Well the truth is that there are many reasons why this may be, which we will discuss later. However, if you are anything like me, a big reason is that men can put a lot of pressure on themselves.
Are you the breadwinner or the only income that comes into the household? That can daunting! If you lose your job or get reduced hours, how will your support your family?
Do you have problems with expressing your emotions or know what to do when your kids are expressing their emotions? How about when your kids are sad, anxious or withdrawn, does that make you shrug your shoulders? This may actually come from your own childhood environment and upbringing. More on what to do about this later.
Do you struggle with being able to open up to your significant other? Perhaps you don’t really know how to deal with her emotions, when you think about all of the other things that are on your mind and your to-do list. You may also feel that your needs are not being met, and even how to ask for them. Yes, and speaking about that to-do list. It never seems to get done and there could be one for home and work.
Men can be hard on themselves for many reasons, just like women can as well. Many of this is usually discovered through looking at our childhood and upbringing and most of this is not conscious. Basically, many men at times do not feel good about themselves or feel that they are strong enough. In many cases nothing can be farther from the truth. Read on to learn what to do about this.
Learn more about how we can help you here: https://charlottecounselors.com/mens-assertiveness/
If you can relate to any of this, you are not alone!
Although guys may not have been taught to be open with their feelings, but to rather “suck it up”. That is actually something that will make things worse in the long run. It would be like not fixing your toilet, eventually it will leak or get not be able to flush (I have been there, not fun).
The reality is we were made to connect, men, women and children. So, what is a guy to do that may not have been raised like this. He may not even know how to start being open with someone. On the other side, some men may overshare at times and find that others may not want to hear about their stress, fears, problems etc. This can be shaming and rejecting and keep this man from sharing for a while. I have heard many men share that this can be difficult and they did not learn how to speak about their needs and emotions in childhood.
The first step
Again the first step is to know that you are not alone. And if you don’t have anyone that you think you can be open about how your are feeling, then many men often find relief and support speaking to a therapist. Now, before you say “absolutely no way”, think about therapy like having a safe place to share how you are feeling, with no judgement. Many of us do this when going to a CPA, financial planner, or even a personal trainer. The reality is that you can not do this alone, at least not for long, and that does not make you “weak” it just makes you human.
In my book it actually makes you strong, because at the end of the day we don’t have to have all of the answers, sometimes just knowing someone cares is enough, like a good friend or family member. However; other times, we want to get better, and none of us look down at college or pro-athletes that listen to a coach/trainer. So my challenge to you is that you can do the same knowing that things can get better. We all need help at some points in our life.
Many of my clients often report a wave of relief just being able to know that they are not alone, that many if not all men feel this, and there is a way to begin working on how to make there lives and the lives of their loved ones richer.
Men, don’t wait to your check engine light is on
Most of us are taught to be proactive as you do not want the infamous “check engine light” to go on in our vehicle. And when it does, if you are like me, you want to get this diagnosed as soon as possible, to avoid costly repairs and being stranded on the road. So, why do we allow this to happen to us. The reality is that we may not know where to go or what to do. Part of what therapy can do is to help you find out what is causing your check engine light to go on and to begin making small steps towards helping shut that off. Also, looking at what is important to you and how to partner alongside you to move in that direction.
Some men come in for a short-period of time to work on this and then come as needed. Others, slowly work on some of the deeper challenges, so that they can start to feel “lighter”, feel heard, and then who take what they learn to improve other areas of their life. Do you feel that you are worth investing in your emotional and physical health? I think you are. Watch this short video to learn more about working together.
So What are you waiting for?
A good therapist will meet you where you are at, and if may be that you only need to come in for a season. Having an established guide to help you when you need it can be very helpful and produce the life and relationships you want. Don’t let fear or shame keep you from speaking to someone. Everything is confidential and again you will not be talked down to or made to feel that it is all your fault. Trusting the process, which can be very hard for some of us. If you find after a few sessions that you are in a good place or that you may need a different type of assistance, your therapist will help you find that help.
Check out our website to learn more about how we can partner up with you to help you begin addressing what you need, how to get it, and how to be the dad, husband or single man you want to be. You can find us at www.charlottecounselors.com
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Phone: (980) 224-3233
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New clients, please send us a message to schedule your free 15-minute Q/A call with Charlotte Counseling Associates, so we can answer any questions you may have and find out if we’re a good fit for working together to help you achieve your goals.